The Dialogues of the Sea Gods () is a collection of fifteen miniature dialogues by Lucian, a 2nd-century Syrian satirical writer from Samosata, written in ancient Greek. Like with his Dialogues of the Gods, Lucian attempts to mock the Homeric perception of the Greek gods, and highlight the absurdity of the myths told about them.
Despite the name, the Dialogues of the Sea Gods does not strictly feature a marine cast, as sweet-water deities and even mortals have lines.
The work Like his other works Dialogues of the Gods and the Dialogues of the Dead, the Dialogues of the Sea Gods are tongue-in-cheek imitations of the old myths, recounted from an unfamiliar perspective, and an accurate reflection of Lucian's purely literary interest in the ancient Greek tales told about the gods. While Lucian drew inspiration from the Homeric epics and other poetry like Theocritus or the Homeric Hymns, he seems to have been influenced by ancient paintings he saw as well.McLeod 1961, p. 177
Deities, nymphs and mortals featured
Dialogues Dialogue I: Doris and Galatea
Doris teases her sister Galatea about the cyclops Polyphemus being taken with her. Galatea is offeded by her mockery, and reminds her that Polyphemus is a son of the sea-god Poseidon, while Doris retorts that he is still uncomely and uncivilized, and even descent from Zeus himself would not change that. Galatea defends Polyphemus and his physical appearance as becoming, prompting the amused Doris to jest that Galatea is in love with her cyclops after all; vexed, Galatea attributes Doris and the other nymphs' hostility toward her to jealousy, as she (Galatea) alone of all nymphs got the attention of Polyphemus.
Doris accuses Galatea of being conceited, and belittles her looks as commonplace and lacking. Galatea counters by stating that she still got a lover, while the other nymphs remain consortless and bitter about it. Doris' then insults Polyphemus' musical and singing abilities that even embarrassed Echo, concluding that no one would be jealous of such a consort. Galatea asks Doris to present her own comely and music-playing lover. Doris replies that she might not have a lover, but she does not brag about his enviability, and wishes Galatea to be ever happy with her goat-smelling Polyphemus who delights in devouring unlucky strangers.
Dialogue II: Cyclops and Poseidon
Polyphemus goes to his father Poseidon, lamenting his woes of how a stranger got him drunk, and then blinded him while he was sleeping. Poseidon is curious about the man's identity, and Polyphemus answers that the man introduced himself as Nobody, but later Polyphemus heard him call himself Odysseus as he fled. Poseidon recognises the name, while Polyphemus recounts how Odysseus and his men entered his cave to steal his sheep, how he "naturally" ate some of them because they were robbers, and how Odysseus got him drunk and blinded him after he had passed out. He further explains that Odysseus and his men managed to get out when Polyphemus removed the heavy rock from the cave's entry waiting for them, and Poseidon infers that they must have clinged to the sheep's underbellies and bypassed the blinded cyclops this way. Poseidon says Polyphemus should have called out for help, and the cyclops says he did, only to be mistaken for insane by the other cyclopes for shouthing that Nobody had blinded him. Poseidon promises his son that he will avenge him.
Dialogue III: Poseidon and Alpheus Poseidon asks Alpheus how come, of all the rivers, he alone keeps his waters sweet even after they have mixed with the salty sea water and emerges again on land. Alpheus explains that it is a love matter, and specifically because he is in love with the Sicilian spring Arethusa. Poseidon asks how he, an Arcadian river, is familiar with a Sicilian spring, but Alpheus declines to answer. Poseidon wishes him luck in mingling waters with his beloved.
Dialogue IV: Menelaus and Proteus After witnessing Proteus changing many forms, The king of Sparta Menelaus is incredulous that a sea-deity can transform into fire, and believes Proteus was using some sort of trick instead of genuine metamorphosis. Proteus assures him that indeed he can transform into anything, and challenges Menelaus to touch him while he is turned into fire so he can see for himself whether it is true fire or not; Menelaus declines the offer. Proteus brings up how octopodes are able to perfectly mimic their surroundings in order to hide, but Menelaus remains unconvinced how one can be water and fire at the same time.
Dialogue V: Poseidon and dolphins
Poseidon chats with some dolphins. He congratulates them for being compassionate, bringing up examples of how they brought Melicertes to the shore after he and his mother Ino fell into the sea, and how now they have saved the musician Arion from certain doom. The dolphins explain that they themselves were humans once before Dionysus turned them into dolphins after he defeated them. The dolphins recount how Arion, after playing music in the court of Periander of Corinth, embarked on a ship to return to his homeland Methymna in Lesbos to show off his new riches; he was carrying so much gold and silver with him that the sailors decided to rob and kill him. Arion requested to be allowed to dress up and sing his own dirge, and he was granted that one wish. Once he was finished, he jumped into the sea for a quick death, but the dolphins saved him and escorted him to safety, charmed by his music. Poseidon praises their love for the high arts.
Dialogue VI: Poseidon and Nereids Following Helle's death, Poseidon orders the Nereids to bring her body ashore in either the Troad or the Chersonese so the locals can bury her, and name the narrow strait she drowned in Hellespont ('sea of Helle') after her. His wife Amphitrite suggests a burial at sea after what the girl went through because of her cruel stepmother Ino, but Poseidon insists; besides, he says, Ino will eventually suffer a similar case once her husband hunts her down, though he notes they will have to save Ino too for Dionysus' sake. The Nereids wonder why Helle fell off the ram she was riding and died, while her brother Phrixus made it. Poseidon thinks it was because he was stronger and more resilient than his scared and fatigued sister. The nymphs think that the children's mother Nephele ought to have intervened and saved her, but Poseidon answers that Fate is stronger than Nephele.
Dialogue VII: Panope and Galene The Nereid nymphs Panope and Galene gossip about Eris, the goddess of discord. Panope informs Galene that Eris was not invited at the wedding of Peleus and Thetis—during which Galene was tasked by Poseidon to keep the seas calm, so she was not present—so she crept in and threw a golden apple with the words to the fairest engraved on it in the direction of Hera, Athena and Aphrodite. Hermes picked it up and read it out loud, and the Nereids present did not dare to press a claim on it against the three great goddesses. Zeus prevented a full blown fight from taking place among the three, but turned down the option to be himself the judge of it and sent them to Paris, a mortal shepherd from Troy, to award the apple. Panope ends the story saying the goddesses have scheduled for today to travel to Mount Ida and find Paris. Galene remarks that she does not expect anyone but Aphrodite to win the contest, unless the judge is blind.
Dialogue VIII: Triton and Poseidon
Triton tells his father of the beautiful maiden, Amymone, who goes to collect water from Lake Lerna every day. She is one of the Danaïdes, the fifty daughters of Danaus, and their father has raised them to strive for hard work; on top of that, their city Argos is experiencing a deadly drought at the moment and they urgently need the water. Intrigued by Triton's words, Poseidon departs for Lerna on a dolphin. As they lay awaiting there, the lovely Amymone arrives; smitten, Poseidon orders Triton to take hold of her. Amymone yells, afraid Triton is an agent of her uncle Aegyptus, but Triton informs her it is Poseidon. Amymone is then scared that she will drown as Triton makes his way to the sea, until Poseidon reassures the girl no harm will come to her; he further promises he will make a spring gush forth that will take her name, and that she shall be the only one among her sisters who will not be forced to spend an eternity filling a tub with water in the Underworld.
Dialogue IX: Iris and Poseidon The rainbow goddess Iris brings a message from Zeus to Poseidon; that he is to fix the small underwater floating island immovable in the Aegean Sea and bring it to the surface so that Zeus' pregnant lover Leto can give birth on it. Poseidon asks why Leto cannot do so anywhere else, and Iris says that is because Hera made all the land swear it would not give Leto refuge anywhere, but this floating island is not bound by the oath due to staying hidden. Poseidon immediately complies and orders the wandering island to hold still. He then tells Iris that all is ready for Leto to come and give birth to her twins (Artemis and Apollo).
Dialogue X: Xanthus and Thalassa
The river-god Xanthus asks Thalassa (the Sea) to heal his burn wounds, and laments what has happened to him. Thalassa inquires what has befell him, and Xanthus explains that the hero Achilles was slaying so many Trojan warriors and throwing their dead bodies into the river that he clogged up. Angered by this, and wanting to help the poor Trojans, he attacked Achilles only to be attacked in return by Hephaestus, who used his fire to boil Xanthus and burn his trees and fishes. Thalassa berates Xanthus for attacking Achilles, who is her grandson as the son of Thetis. Xanthus complains that he had the right to help the Trojans, and Thalassa retorts that Hephaestus had the right to assist Achilles too.
Dialogue XI: Notus and Zephyrus The winds converse. Notus asks Zephyrus whether the cow that Hermes is leading to Egypt is the one Zeus had sex with. Zephyrus affirms so, and adds that she was not a cow, but a daughter of Inachus whom Hera transformed into a cow out of jealousy when she saw Zeus' love for her. Furthermore, Zeus had the winds keep the sea calm so that the pregnant girl could cross safely to Egypt where she will be worshipped as a goddess. As they watch, the cow is transformed back into a woman, while they notice that Hermes' youthful face has now sharp canine features, but they decide not to pry into it.
Dialogue XII: Doris and Thetis
Doris asks Thetis why is she crying, and Thetis replies it is because she just saw King Acrisius lock his daughter Danaë and Danaë's newborn baby into a chest which he then threw into the sea from a ship as she begged her father to at least show mercy to the infant; previously, as Thetis explains, Acrisius had locked up his virgin daughter inside a chamber where no man could touch her, but Zeus visited her in the form of liquid gold and impregnated her anyway. When Acrisius found out, he threw a temper tantrum and doomed his daughter and grandson. Doris asks whether mother and son are dead, but Thetis says the chest is still floating near the island of Seriphos. Doris suggests they divert the chest toward the Seriphian fishermen so that they will take care of them. Thetis agrees.
Dialogue XIII: Enipeus and Poseidon