Definitions of sexual desire are broad and understandings of sexual desire are subjective. However, the development of various ways of measuring the construct allows for extensive research to be conducted that facilitates the investigation of influences of sexual desire. Particular differences have been observed between the sexes in terms of understanding sexual desire both with regard to one's own sexual desires, as well as what others desire sexually. These beliefs and understandings all contribute to how people behave and interact with others, particularly in terms of various types of intimate relationships.
Understanding sexual desire
As there is no single understanding of sexual desire, it is important to explore beliefs about the nature of the construct to reveal the different ways that it is characterized.Regan, Pamela C. Ph.D. & Berscheid, Ellen Ph.D.(1995). Gender differences in beliefs about the causes of male and female sexual desire, Personal Relationships, 2, 345-358. Hatfield, Elaine; Rapson, Richard L. & Martel, Lise D.(in press). Passionate Love, In S. Kitayama & D. Cohen (Eds.) Handbook of Cultural Psychology. New York: Guilford Press.
Clinical conceptualizations Theorists believe that sexual desire can serve a number of roles, as a combination of both desire for physical pleasure as well as a need for intimacy in terms of love and affection though the weight of each need may vary dependent on situational context and the individuals involved. Researchers also consistently define sexual desire in the context of motivations, cognitions, emotions and similarly subjective psychological experiences that may be described as the need, wish, longing for, or drive to seek out sexual engagement as opposed to the physiological arousal or sexual events.Regan, Pamela C. Ph.D. & Bersched, Ellen Ph.D.(1996). Beliefs about the state, goals, and objects of Sexual desire, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 22:2, 110-120.Levine, Stephen B. M.D. (2003). The Nature of Sexual Desire: A Clinician’s Perspective, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 32:3, 279–285.Hatfield, Elaine Ph.D. & Rapson, Richard L. Ph.D. (1987). Passionate Love/Sexual Desire: Can the Same Paradigm Explain Both?, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 16:3, 1987, 259—278.
One definition of sexual desire specifically characterizes the construct as "the sum of the forces that lean us toward and away from sexual behaviour". An ordinary spectrum of sexual desire as one that may range from aversion to passion, and though individuals may experience fairly consistent patterns of sexual desire throughout their lives, patterns of sexual desire do evolve over the course of a lifetime, as it is subject to such influences as age, gender, social situation, and health.Kontula, Osmo & Haavio-Mannila, Elina (2009). The Impact of Aging on Human Sexual Activity and Sexual Desire, Journal of Sex Research, 46:1, 46-56.Hartmann, Uwe Ph.D.; Philippsohn, Susanne MD; Heiser, Kristina Ph.D.; Rüffer-Hesse, Claudia MD (2004). Low sexual desire in midlife and older women: personality factors, psychosocial development, present sexuality, Menopause: The Journal of The North American Menopause Society, 11:6, 726-740.
Measures Sexual desire may not be as directly or reliably testable as sexual arousal, which can be validly and reliably assessed by monitoring genital and other physiological arousal. No test exists that can definitely measure sexual desire.Diamond, L.M. (2004). Emerging perspectives on distinctions between romantic love and sexual desire. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 13, 116–119. Through the use of functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) brain imaging techniques, hormonal assessment and self-report questionnaires such as the Passionate Love Scale (PLS) various cognitive and behavioural characteristics have been found to reliably identify sexual desire across cultures and distinguish it from other feelings of love and attachment.
Male and female conceptualizations and differences "Most researchers would label the sex drive difference as 'moderate to large'. Looked at another way, our results mean that about three-quarters of men will have a somewhat stronger sex drive than the average sex drive among women. But our data also indicate that when a woman with an unknown sex drive walks down the street, her sex drive will on average exceed that of every third man she encounters. Thus, although a gender difference is clearly observable, there is still much variation between men and women" (Friese, Malte. 2023).
States, goals and objects In a study conducted by Regan & Bersched (1996), when asked to freely define sexual desire, 90% of both male and female participants defined the phenomenon consistently with theorists' definitions of sexual desire; however, despite the tendency for men and women to describe desire in similar ways to clinical definitions in terms of motivation, men and women have been found to characterize the goals of sexual desire differently. Whereas women tend to consider love and emotional intimacy as high ranking goals of sexual desire, men are more likely to consider sexual activity as the primary goal of sexual desire.
It has also been suggested that women are more likely than men to develop a "relational" or "person-centered" orientation to sexual desire, whereas men are more likely to adopt a "recreational" or "body-centered" orientation to sexuality. These results further support the suggestion that despite generally consistent definitions of sexual desire, perceived differing end goals of sexual desire may exist between the sexes.
Beliefs In keeping with providing definitions of sexual desire consistent with those of theorists, both men and women have consistently expressed their beliefs that the causes of male sexual desire differ from female causes of sexual desire. Both are in general agreement about the nature of these causes, but when other-sex attracted men and women have been asked to describe what they believe the opposite sex finds attractive, both internalize and believe that the opposite sex values the stereotypical male or female qualities associated with their own sex. However, neither sex consistently confirms that they are attracted to the stereotypically sexually desirable traits of the opposite sex.
These findings of men and women's beliefs regarding what traits the opposite sex finds sexually desirable, as well as perceived differences pertaining to how each sex conceptualizes sexual desire are important to consider, particularly within the context of nurturing sexual desire.
Sexual desire and love It is believed by many that sexual desire plays an important role in romantic love and that it may be an extremely important factor in strengthening the interpersonal dynamic of romantic relationships; recent studies have supported these theories and have also provided further insight into the various neurobiological substrates that influence the development of various types of relationships.Gonzaga, Gian C.; Turner, Rebecca A.; Keltner, Dacher; Campos, Belinda & Altemus, Margaret (2006). Romantic Love and Sexual Desire in Close Relationships, Emotion, 6:2, 163–179.
Different types of love Over the course of history and across cultures, a number of different types of love have been described. For example, Sternberg's triangular theory of love illustrates various types of possible loves, outlining the dynamics between passion, intimacy and commitment in the development of romantic love, infatuation, companionate love, liking, fatuous love, empty love, and consummate love . However, here we will look specifically at two of the most popularly discussed types of love: passionate love and companionate love.
Passionate love Passionate love is a state of attraction and increased preoccupation with a specific person and may be described as obsessive love or infatuation.Fisher, Helen E.; Aron, Arthur; Mashek, Debra M.; Li, Haifang & Brown, Lucy L. (2002). Defining the Brain Systems of Lust, Romantic Attraction, and Attachment, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 31:5, 413—419. Passionate love is defined as "a state of intense longing for union with another", and may also be commonly described as being in-love. This intense feeling is characterized by the experience of great emotional highs and lows, and when it is reciprocated through union with the beloved, it can lead to feelings of euphoria, exhilaration, fulfillment and ecstasy; however, if passionate love is unrequited and union is not achieved, the absence may lead to feelings of emptiness, anxiety and despair.
Although passionate love is generally accompanied by intense desires and strong urges for emotional and physical closeness, resistance to separation and highs when attention is granted by the individual of interest, passionate love is often described as a temporary state. It is not uncommon for passionate love to turn into companionate love.
Companionate love Companionate love is a much less intense form of love, where desire for proximity and resistance to separation become less urgent. This form of love is influenced by feelings of attachment, commitment and intimacy, but is much less anxious than passionate love, and typically nurtures feelings of security, care, comfort and emotional union.
Sexual desire in romantic relationships As a state that promotes passion and infatuation, sexual desire is often responsible in playing a role in initiating contact, motivating sexual interest, and seeking proximity. By motivating proximity seeking behaviour, sexual desire promotes contact, and this may eventually foster commitment. This is one explanation for why sexual desire tends to be so strong at the beginning of relationships and may account for why its presence or absence can reflect the strength of commitment between partners. However, research has also shown that romantic relationships can exist in the absence of sexual desire, even during the beginning stages where they may be at their most romantically passionate. Men and women have also expressed the belief that when dating, if partners experience sexual desire for each other, there is a greater likelihood for positive outcomes to emerge in terms of interpersonal closeness as well as a reduced likelihood to experience negative events in the relationship, regardless of the frequency of sexual activity.Regan, Pamela C. (1998). Of lust and love: Beliefs about the role of sexual desire in romantic relationships, Personal Relationships, 5, 139-157.
As will be discussed in greater detail in the following section in Components of Sexual Desire and Love, it has in fact been found that passionate love actually leads to the suppression of certain parts of the brain that are responsible for critical thought, making it less likely that individuals will criticize or think negatively about the character or personality of individuals they are in love with.Bartels, A., Zeki, S., 2000. The neural basis of romantic love. NeuroReport, 11 (17), 3829–3834.