An open relationship is an intimate relationship that is sexually or romantically non-monogamous. An open relationship generally indicates a relationship where there is a primary emotional and intimate relationship between partners, who agree to at least the possibility of sexual or emotional intimacy with other people. The term "open relationship" is sometimes used interchangeably with the term polyamory, but the two concepts are not identical.
Open relationships include any type of romantic relationship (dating, marriage, etc.) that is open. An "open" relationship means one or more parties have permission to be romantically or sexually involved with people outside of the relationship. This is opposed to the traditionally "closed" relationship, where both parties agree on being with one another exclusively. The concept of an open relationship has been recognized since the 1970s.
Types To a large degree, open relationships are a generalization of the concept of a relationship beyond monogamous relationships. A form of open relationship is the open marriage, in which the participants in a marriage have an open relationship.
There are several different styles of open relationships. Some examples include:
Multi-partner relationships, between three or more partners where a sexual relationship does not occur between all of the parties involved. Hybrid relationships, when one partner is non-monogamous and the other is monogamous. Swinging, in which singles or partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity.
The main unifying element to open relationship styles is non-exclusivity of romantic or sexual relationships. Another generic term for all these types of relationships is open love.
Swinging
Swinging is a form of open relationship in which the partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others at the same time. Swingers may regard the practice as a recreational or social activity that adds variety or excitement into their otherwise conventional sex lives or for curiosity. Swingers who engage in casual sex maintain that sex among swingers is often more frank and deliberative and therefore more honest than infidelity. Some couples see swinging as a healthy outlet and means to strengthen their relationship.
Open marriage
An open marriage, sometimes referred to as consensual non-monogamy or CNM, is a type of marriage wherein the involved parties unequivocally consent to their partners entering or engaging in romantic and/or sexual relationships with other people.
Polyamory
Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. While "open relationship" is sometimes used as a synonym for "polyamory" or "polyamorous relationship", the terms are not synonymous; polyamorous people may choose between open relationships or polyfidelity. The "open" in "open relationship" refers to the sexual aspect of a relationship, whereas "polyamory" refers to allowing bonds to form (which may be sexual or otherwise) as additional long-term relationships.
The terms "polyamory" and "friends with benefits" are fairly recent, having come about within the past few decades though non-monogamy has existed since prehistoric times.
Prevalence
Sociologists Elaine K. Hollander and Howard M. Vollmer observed open relationships occurring more frequently among certain demographics. According to their 1974 survey of American college students, youth, college-educated, middle-class, and people of certain ethnic and racial minorities have been observed to engage in open relationships more frequently than their counterparts. According to the 2012 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, 4% of respondents reported being in an open relationship. It was also found that males and LGBT individuals are more likely to report being in an open relationship, with 33% of gay men, 23% of bisexual men, 5% of lesbian females, and 22% of bisexual females reporting an open relationship.
Hollander and Vollmer's 1974 study also showed that male students who either cohabit or live in a communal group are more likely to become involved in open relationships than females, and are still more interested in the concept than females even if not participating in open relationships. A survey taken by gay men's "health and life magazine", FS Magazine, of the 1,006 gay men they surveyed 41% are in, or have previously experienced, an open relationship. Of the men who are in an open relationship, 75% believe that open relationships are "great".
In a 1977 study performed by James W. Ramey, couples within open relationships were observed to be dual-career, meaning that both primary partners simultaneously hold stable employment. Ramey also found that couples in open relationships were more likely to hold managerial positions within their respective careers. Most were observed to be either childfree, or post child-rearing.
Reward vs. risk Reasons for entering an open relationship
An open relationship may form for various reasons. These include: liking another person but not wanting to end the old relationship pressure or coercion from the partner wishing for an open relationship being non-monogamous by nature (i.e. born that way) a difference emerging between two people in a relationship one partner realizing that they are unable to fulfill the other's needs varying sex drive between partners one or both partners desiring more freedom, companionship, intellectual variety, a variety of sexual partners, getting ahead career-wise or maintaining relationships a need for challenge: some people feel that their relationship is inadequate unless they are being challenged. Open relationships may create a sense of jealousy, attachment, or possessiveness, all of which are challenges for a relationship to work through. These emotions can also lead to greater self-awareness which may be seen as satisfying to those in open relationships. Some research has found that individuals in open relationships report less jealousy compared to those in monogamous relationships. the enjoyment of new relationship energy, the state of heightened emotional and sexual receptivity and excitement experienced during the formation of a new physical relationship being able to meet other couples and individuals with a similar outlook with whom the participants can connect with on an intellectual and emotional level being in a relationship of convenience, that is, one that is not primarily based on mutual feeling of love towards each other (anymore), but rather on economic or social factors (e.g.: the traditional practice of polyandry in rural Tibet) distance – when partners live in separate parts of the world for part or all of the time sex may be more pleasing, and the participants may engage in it more frequently than those in an average couple issues with sexual compatibility increased trust that comes with boundary setting and communication increased intimacy that comes with open discussion around sexual desires and experiences "It has been proposed that men (both gay and straight), in contrast to women, are able to cognitively separate sex from emotions (or love) in a process commonly termed compartmentalization." This means it is not unusual for homosexual men to have open relationships, which means breaking the 'norm' of a committed and 'typical' heterosexual relationship. That is not to suggest that open relationships do not work; research has shown comparable relationship satisfaction for both monogamous and non-monogamous couples.
Reasons for avoiding an open relationship Many couples consider open relationships, but choose not to follow through with the idea. If a person attempts to approach their committed monogamous partner about transitioning to an open relationship, the monogamous partner may convince or coerce them to either stay monogamous or pursue a new partner. There may also be concern that when beginning an open relationship, a partner may become only concerned in their personal development and pay less attention to their partner.
Jealousy is often present in monogamous relationships, and adding one or more partners to the relationship may cause it to increase. Results of some studies have suggested that jealousy remains a problem in open relationships because the actual involvement of a third party is seen as a trigger. In Constantine & Constantine (1971), the researchers found that 80% of participants in open marriages had experienced jealousy at one point or another.
Consensual non-monogamous relationships have negative stereotypes around them, including less sexually fulfilling, more sexually risky, and less moral. These stereotypes are reinforced by mononormativity, which is the belief that monogamous relationships are the most natural and culturally acceptable relationship.
Cultural pressure may also dissuade initiating or switching to an open relationship. There is a commonly held societal stereotype that those involved in open relationships are less committed or mature than those who are in monogamous relationships. Films, media, and self-help books present the message that to desire more than one partner means not having a "true" relationship. In the post-WWII 1950s-1970s, it was traditional to "date around" (with guidelines such as not going out with one particular suitor twice in a row) until ready to start "going steady" (the onset of exclusivity and sexual exploration); since then, non-exclusive dating around has lost favour and going directly to steady (now known simply as exclusive dating) has been elevated instead. Desiring an open relationship in these days often claimed to be a phase that a person is passing through before being ready to "settle down". The logistics of an open relationship may be difficult to cope with, especially if the partners reside together, split finances, own property, or parent children.
Sexually transmitted infection
Any sexual contact outside of a strictly monogamous or polyfidelitous relationship increases the possibility that one member of the group will contract a sexually transmitted infection and pass it into the group.
Neither barrier device use (such as condoms) nor more vigilant STI testing and vaccination can fully eliminate such risk, but can reduce the statistical increase attributable to nonmonogamy. Nevertheless, using data from the 2012 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, Levine et al. (2018) found that individuals in open relationships reported more condom use in both vaginal and anal intercourse compared to monogamous couples.
The development of PrEP has led to a decrease in risk for HIV infection by as much as 92%. If both partners are on PrEP, risk of HIV infection is diminished, even if there are multiple partners.
Successful open relationships One of the most significant factors that aids a relationship in being successful is that it is about making the relationship fit the needs of all parties involved. No two open relationships will be the same, and the relationship will change due to the current circumstances at each specific moment. The style of the open relationship will mirror the parties' involved values, goals, desires, needs and philosophies.
The most successful relationships have been those that take longer to establish. By taking the time to develop a clear idea of what both partners want out of the openness of a relationship, it allows the parties involved to self-reflect, process their emotions, deal with possible conflicts, and (for those transitioning from monogamy to nonmonogamy) find ways to cope with the change.