A Very Merry Unauthorized Children's Scientology Pageant is a satirical musical about Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard, written by Kyle Jarrow from a concept by Alex Timbers, the show's original director. Jarrow based the story of the one-act, one-hour musical on Hubbard's writings and Church of Scientology literature. The musical follows the life of Hubbard as he develops Dianetics and then Scientology. Though the musical pokes fun at Hubbard's science fiction writing and personal beliefs, it has been called a "deadpan presentation" of his life story. Topics explored in the piece include Dianetics, the E-meter, Thetans, and the story of Xenu. The show was originally presented in 2003 in New York City by Les Freres Corbusier, an experimental theater troupe, enjoying sold-out Off-Off-Broadway and Off-Broadway productions. Later productions have included Los Angeles, New York, Boston, Atlanta, Philadelphia, and Washington, D.C.
Early in the production of the musical, the president of the Church of Scientology in New York sent a letter to the producer pointing out the Church's history of litigation. This led Timbers and Jarrow to insert the word Unauthorized into the title, upon the advice of legal counsel. During the Los Angeles production, representatives of the Church of Scientology visited the production staff in the midst of rehearsals and handed out documentation of successful litigation against critics of Scientology. Parents of some of the Los Angeles cast members also received phone calls from Scientologists in the entertainment industry, asking them not to allow their children to perform in the musical.
A Very Merry Unauthorized Children's Scientology Pageant has been well received. The 2003 New York production received an Obie Award, and director Alex Timbers received a Garland Award for the 2004 Los Angeles production. The musical also received positive reviews in the press. The New York Times characterized it as a "cult-hit", and The Village Voice, the Los Angeles Times and The Guardian all gave it favorable reviews. Variety and The Boston Globe had kind words for the updated 2006 edition. A 2004 cast recording released by Sh-K-Boom Records received four out of five stars from Allmusic and plaudits from The Los Angeles Daily News.
Background Alex Timbers developed the concept and directed the play, while Kyle Jarrow wrote the accompanying book, music, and lyrics. Timbers and Jarrow were classmates together at Yale University. The script for the play is published by Samuel French, Inc. Jarrow was motivated to write the script by what he saw as a shift in religious teachings – from an old model involving hell and retribution, to a new system of thought promising money or peace. Jarrow commented on Timbers' idea of using children to tell a story about Scientology: "I did a lot of work on cults in college, and what I learned is that they sort of turn you into a child by appealing to that part of you that wants to be taken care of and given answers. And so it all began to make sense to me." He said Scientology would be "an especially interesting topic for a theater piece" because of its criticism of psychiatry, relative newness compared to Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, and Christianity, and practice of requiring "that the follower take courses which cost significant amounts of money."
Jarrow's script was "almost entirely based on Hubbard's own writings and the church's literature", though Jarrow was also influenced by critical journalistic accounts. He also drew on the "awkward woodenness of Christmas pageants — the fact that children are often made to say large words that don't sound natural coming out of their mouths." Timbers said they chose to stick to Church of Scientology primary source material for background on the script because "We thought that the best way to satirize the Church of Scientology was to let the Church speak for itself." During production, the creative team worked with cast members to educate them about the play's background. "Kids shouldn't just be saying things that they don't understand. That's what we're criticizing ... people who just parrot behavior and language. We wanted to have an honest conversation with them", Jarrow said. The published version of the script says that the musical should not be performed by adults; Jarrow said adults are "too jaded", and would not be able to portray the "unwinking satire" of the piece.
The producers wanted the musical to appear like a "corny and low-rent production". The ensemble includes 10 actors from ages eight to twelve. Though professionals, the child actors perform with a "realistic lack of polish", as they are playing non-professional children of Scientologists, performing in a holiday pageant. The chorus portrays Thetans, and the reactive and analytical portions of the mind are depicted by two children who share a conjoined right brain costume. During the Xenu story, the narrator is outfitted in a cardboard robot suit, and the actor portraying Xenu wears a "tacky headdress". Staging, costumes and set design are all made to appear to be the "earnest work of schoolteachers and supportive parents trying to provide a colorful and cheery atmosphere on a small budget." The stage design includes a "colorful, crayon-colored backdrop of space age-like, semi-circular set pieces." Costumes include white robes, rainbow-striped socks and tinsel halos. Props used to denote locations include "a waving cardboard palm frond for Hawaii, a street sign and cell phones for New York." The musical ends with a tableau vivant, where the audience sees the cast standing at the back of the theater holding candles and singing cheerfully as a door closes and they are blocked from view.
Early in the production of the play, John Carmichael, president of the Church of Scientology in New York, found out that a theatrical production involving Scientology was in the works. After showing up unannounced to a rehearsal, Carmichael sent a letter to the play's New York producer, Aaron Lemon-Strauss, citing his concerns at the possibility of being ridiculed. In the letter, Carmichael also pointed out the church's many past lawsuits. Alex Timbers was quoted as saying: "We've been told that the letter is a precursor to a lawsuit." Carmichael visited the artistic staff a total of three times to voice his concerns before the play's debut. After this occurrence, Jarrow and Timbers' attorneys advised them to insert the word Unauthorized into the title of the play. This was done to avoid potential litigation from the Church of Scientology. In an interview with The New York Times, Carmichael later stated: "These folks have a right to write whatever play they want ... but they've sunk to clichés."
Plot summary The characters gather on a cold winter night to rejoice in telling the story of L. Ron Hubbard. "Hey! It's a Happy Day!" A narrator notes: "Today we relate the life of L. Ron Hubbard: Teacher, author, explorer, atomic physicist, nautical engineer, choreographer, horticulturist, and father of Scientology!" Hubbard is born in a nativity scene, surrounded by parents and barnyard animals, as an angel proclaims, "Billions of years of evolution had climaxed with his birth." He begins to question the nature of his existence. He is adrift on a boat in the Pacific Ocean during his service in World War II, when he begins to think about starting a religion. Hubbard tells his followers about what he has learned through his travels in "Science of the Mind", singing about "the key to being free, the way to be happy". He tells his followers that during the war "I saw how emotion can make you blind", and he begins to teach his followers about the reactive mind.
Hubbard thanks the analytical mind (portrayed by two characters) for helping him to find the answers he was searching for, and proclaims: "Thinking rationally is the way to be happy and the key to learning more." He announces to his followers, "You'll operate with your analytical mind only. ... There won't be any emotions to stand in the way of your success." As Hubbard tells his followers about his new ideas, they each proclaim to him: "You're right!" Hubbard answers: "Of course I'm right!" Hubbard's followers thank him for teaching them his new ideas: "Now the sun will shine / And the world is fine / We have got the science of the mind." A Church of Scientology auditor explains some technical Scientology jargon to new recruits, and the E-meter is described in a puppet show.
As Hubbard's followers progress in their Scientology teachings, they learn of the story of evil alien prince Xenu. Celebrity actor characters describe their relationships with Scientology: John Travolta explains how Scientology "fueled his cool"; Kirstie Alley says that it helped her conquer drug addiction "enabling me to star in the fine television series Fat Actress and to promote the quality products of weight loss expert Jenny Craig"; and Tom Cruise interacts with sock-puppet incarnations of his new wife and daughter. The Internal Revenue Service brings a case against Hubbard, but he is able to defeat the tax charges by brainwashing his accuser. Celebrities Cruise, Alley and Travolta testify on Hubbard's behalf during the trial. Skeptics question Hubbard about the Church of Scientology's finances and methods of recruiting and retaining members. One young boy, left alone on the stage, sings about profound alienation. The entire company finally comes together to sing the "chilling finale", which includes the refrain: "Just don't ask questions / And everything is clear."
Musical analysis Jarrow incorporated musical themes from The Road to Freedom, a 1986 pop album with lyrics by Hubbard and performances by John Travolta, Leif Garrett, Frank Stallone, Chick Corea, and Karen Black. Jarrow also incorporated musical themes from 1980s pop, saying "the liturgical music of Scientology is 1980s pop, which seems strangely appropriate because of the science fiction books. So that's what we did [in the show]. It's a pastiche of synth-pop and pageant choir music." Jarrow said he tried "to capture the feel of kiddie rock" such as Free to Be... You and Me and Kids Incorporated.
The song, "Hey! It's a Happy Day!" quotes Hubbard's Scientology: A New Slant On Life. Songs are set to "cheesy synth-keyboard backing" and feature "sublimely clunky dance breaks". An electronic score emphasizes the musical's "loony conviction", while sleigh bells give the play a feeling of a "jazzed-up saint's play". The songs incorporate video game music, and "beats from a child's keyboard synthesizer." The music in the show has been compared with the symphonic band Polyphonic Spree, and with the educational short films of Schoolhouse Rock.
Productions
2003–2004 A Very Merry Unauthorized Children's Scientology Pageant debuted in November 2003, and had sold-out Off-Off-Broadway and Off-Broadway runs that winter, both directed by Alex Timbers. The musical was initially shown at The Tank theater on 42nd Street where it ran for three weeks, and later moved to the John Houseman Theatre, where it was performed for an additional three weeks. The show opened in Los Angeles at the Powerhouse Theatre, in October 2004, again directed by Timbers. The run was initially scheduled for October 15 through November 21, 2004, but was extended through December 21, 2004. Timbers said that he was excited to take the production to Los Angeles, commenting: "Since the whole goal of the show is to imagine how the Scientologists might stage a nativity pageant, there's no better place to try than in their Jerusalem."