Forgiveness, in a psychological sense, is the intentional and voluntary process by which one who has felt wronged, harmed, or hurt changes their feelings and attitude towards the offender, and overcomes the impact of the offense, including negative emotions such as resentment or desire for vengeance.
Theorists differ in the extent to which they believe forgiveness also implies replacing the negative emotions with positive attitudes (e.g., an increased ability to tolerate the offender), or requires reconciliation with the offender.
Forgiveness is interpreted in many ways by different people and cultures. As a psychological concept and as a virtue, the obligation to forgive and the benefits of forgiveness have been explored in religious thought, moral philosophy, social sciences, and medicine. Most world religions include teachings on forgiveness, and many of these provide a foundation for various modern traditions and practices of forgiveness.
On the psychological level, forgiveness is different from simple condoning (viewing action as harmful, but to be "forgiven" or overlooked for certain reasons of "charity"), excusing or pardoning (merely releasing the offender from responsibility for their actions), or forgetting (attempting to remove one's memory of an offense). In some schools of thought, it involves a personal and "voluntary" effort towards the self-transformation of one's half of a relationship, such that one is restored to peace and ideally to what psychologist Carl Rogers has referred to as "unconditional positive regard" towards the other.
In many contexts, forgiveness is granted without any expectation of restorative justice, and may be granted without any response on the part of the offender (for example, one may forgive a person who is incommunicado or dead). In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgment, such as an apology, or to explicitly ask for forgiveness, for the wronged person to believe themselves able to forgive.
Nature of forgiveness
, there is no consensus for a psychological definition of forgiveness in research literature. There is agreement that forgiveness is a process, and several models describing the process of forgiveness have been published, including one from a radical behavioral perspective.
Dr. Robert Enright from the University of Wisconsin–Madison founded the International Forgiveness Institute and initiated forgiveness studies. He developed a 20-Step Process Model of Forgiveness.
In that model, in order to forgive someone, the victim should examine the wrong they suffered, who caused it, and the context in which it happened; consider the anger they feel about it, any associated shame or guilt, and how it has affected them; decide whether they want to advance to an attitude of forgiveness, and, if so, work on understanding, compassion, and acceptance, and make a gesture of reconciliation to the offender; then, reformulate the way they remember the experience of being wronged and of developing forgiveness in order to healthily integrate this into their life story.
A longitudinal study showed that people who were generally more neurotic, angry, and hostile in life were less likely to forgive another person. They were more likely to avoid their transgressor and want to enact revenge two and a half years after the transgression.
Studies show that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold resentment. The first study to look at how forgiveness improves physical health discovered that when people think about forgiving an offender, their cardiovascular and nervous system functioning improves. Another study found that the more forgiving people were, the less they suffered from a wide range of illnesses. Less forgiving people reported a greater number of health problems.
Dr. Fred Luskin of Stanford University, author of Forgive for Good, presented evidence that forgiveness can be learned (i.e. is a teachable, practicable skill) and has powerful, positive health effects. In three separate studies, including one with Catholics and Protestants from Northern Ireland whose family members were murdered during The Troubles, he found that people who are taught how to forgive become less angry, feel less hurt, are more optimistic, become more forgiving in a variety of situations, and become more compassionate and self-confident. His studies show a reduction in experience of stress, in physical manifestations of stress, and an increase in vitality.
In a study conducted in Rwanda to examine discourses and practices of forgiveness following the 1994 genocide, sociologist Benoit Guillou highlighted the extensive range of meanings associated with the term "forgiveness" and its underlying political nature. In the study's findings, Guillou presented four primary aspects of forgiveness to facilitate clearer comprehension of both its applications and the circumstances in which forgiveness can contribute to the restoration of social connections.
Ideas about what forgiveness is not
Forgiveness does not have to encompass condoning, forgetting, or excusing the transgressor's actions. Additionally, the victim does not have to minimize their feelings of having been wronged in order to forgive, nor do they have to reconcile with the transgressor. (Archived at Ghostarchive and the Wayback Machine) The focus of forgiveness is not to deny or suppress anger; rather, its focus is on dealing with resentment. In particular, it is healthy to acknowledge and express negative emotions before one forgives. Forgiveness is also distinct from accountability or justice; punishment and compensation are independent of the choice to forgive, and the victim can forgive or not forgive while still pursuing punishment and/or compensation.
While a victim may have granted decisional forgiveness (refraining from seeking revenge, possibly reconciling), they may not have emotionally forgiven the offender (replacing negative emotions towards them with positive ones) or expressed forgiveness to them. Additionally, expressing emotions may be distinct from genuinely experiencing the emotions (i.e. people can claim one emotional experience while actually feeling something else instead). Although it is heavily debated, emotional forgiveness is generally considered to be for the benefit of the victim and not the offender, unless the victim chooses to involve the offender by expressing forgiveness to them or reconciling. Forgiveness cannot be granted by an uninvolved party.
Timeliness Psychologist Wanda Malcolm, in Women's Reflections on the Complexities of Forgiveness, outlines reasons why forgiveness takes time: working on self-care and/or personal healing may take priority (i.e. therapy, medical injuries, etc.); issues of safety may need to be addressed; and facilitating forgiveness immediately after an interpersonal offense may be premature. Malcolm explains, "premature efforts to facilitate forgiveness may be a sign of our reluctance to witness our client's pain and suffering and may unwittingly reinforce the client's belief that the pain and suffering is too much to bear and must be suppressed or avoided."
Worthington et al. observed that "anything done to promote forgiveness has little impact unless substantial time is spent at helping participants think through and emotionally experience their forgiveness".
In philosophical thought The philosopher Joseph Butler (Fifteen Sermons) defined forgiveness as "overcoming of resentment, the overcoming of moral hatred, as a speech act, and as forbearance". In his 1962 lecture on "Freedom and Resentment"', philosopher P. F. Strawson described forgiveness as "a rather unfashionable subject in moral philosophy" at that time.
Religious views
Religion can affect how someone forgives. For example, one may work towards forgiveness through religious activity, religious affiliation and teachings, and imitation.
Abrahamic Judaism
In Judaism, if a person causes harm, but then sincerely and honestly apologizes to the wronged individual and tries to rectify the wrong, the wronged individual is encouraged, but not required, to grant forgiveness:
In Judaism, one must go "to those he has harmed" to be entitled to forgiveness. One who sincerely apologizes three times for a wrong committed against another has fulfilled their obligation to seek forgiveness.Shulchan Aruch OC 606:1 This means that in Judaism a person cannot obtain forgiveness from God for wrongs they have done to other people. This also means that, unless the victim forgave the perpetrator before he died, murder is unforgivable in Judaism, and murderers will answer to God for it, though the victims' family and friends can forgive the murderer for their grief. The Tefila Zaka meditation, which is recited just before Yom Kippur, closes with the following:
Thus, the "reward" for forgiving others is not God's forgiveness for wrongs done to others, but rather help in obtaining forgiveness from the other person.
Sir Jonathan Sacks, chief rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth, summarized: "It is not that God forgives, while human beings do not. To the contrary, we believe that just as only God can forgive sins against God, so only human beings can forgive sins against human beings."
Jews observe a Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur, on the day before God decides what will happen during the coming year. During the Ten Days of Repentance just prior to Yom Kippur, Jews ask forgiveness of those they have wronged during the prior year (if they have not already done so). On Yom Kippur itself, Jews fast and pray for God's forgiveness for their transgressions against God in the prior year. Sincere repentance is required, and since God can only forgive one for the sins one has committed against God, it is necessary for Jews to also seek the forgiveness of those people who they have wronged.
Christianity
Forgiveness is central to Christian ethics. Unlike in Judaism, in Christianity, God can forgive sins committed by people against people, since he can forgive every sin except for the eternal sin, and forgiveness from one's victim is not necessary for salvation. The Parable of the Prodigal Son is a notable parable about forgiveness and demonstrates God's forgiveness of those who repent. Hannah Arendt stated that Jesus was "the discoverer of the role of forgiveness in the realm of human affairs."
Forgiving offenses is a spiritual work of mercy. The Catholic Church believes in God's grace of forgiveness of sinCatechism of the Catholic Church 976 and in the necessity of repentance in order to receive said forgiveness.Catechism of the Catholic Church 1492
According to Catholicism, God commands people to pray for forgiveness ("And forgive us our trespasses") because he wants to forgive sin and rejoice over people,Catechism of the Catholic Church 1453USCCB Bible, Luke 15:21-24 as well as for the same reason he grants the graces of contrition and prayer.Roman Catechism, "Confidence in God's Mercy" When God forgives a sin, despite his omniscience, he forgets the sin, and at the particular and general judgments, only unforgiven sins will be judged.Roman Catechism, "The Sentence of the Just" Those who refuse said forgiveness at the moment of death commit the eternal sin of final impenitence.Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1033 Catechism of the Catholic Church 1037